Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
