Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
where are you?
Hypothermia
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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