I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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