she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
