Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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