Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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