the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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