he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
