i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
