How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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