We should be called the Road Head Warriors
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
