i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
should my penis look like a turkey
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
