Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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