She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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