So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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