I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
