So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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