I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
