I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
