I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
