never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
