Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
