i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
we should paint friendship bongs
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