What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
