I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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