There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
