I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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