he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
