I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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