I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I will be naked everywhere
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
