in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
