R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
