My Higher Power is John Stamos
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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