Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
