never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
