Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
