just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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