i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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