My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
