At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
