no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
