i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
