nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
