he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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