I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
last night I used snow as a chaser
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
