I heard we made out
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
