Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
