Dual....:-)
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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