i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
