I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
