just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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