Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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