Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
then he tried to convert me to islam
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We left the knife in your bed.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
