things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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