hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I checked into jail on foursquare
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
